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V for Valiant: 2. Reunions

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Heavy. So very heavy. The blackness weighed down on me, crushing me into nothingness. Is this dying? Is this what it feels like?
I tried to move my fingers, only to feel a ghostly arm, my ghostly arm, move through the nothing all around me. Somehow, I didn't feel panicked; it was peaceful in the blackness, the nothing. Slowly, feeling began to come back into my body – the sensation of my fingers being able to bend, my fist clenching and loosening; but, first came the sounds and smells.
A fire crackled and a deep rhythmic rumble came from somewhere near me. The smell of some familiar   meat being cooked filled the air, the tell-tale sound of spitting juices as they dripped into the fire. Every so often, in time with the rhythmic rumbling, came a wash of warm air that smelt like the mouth of a carnivore, hot, wet and stunk of things long dead.
Blades of grass were gently poking into my back and pleasant warmth radiated from the fire. What felt like small hands, pressed against my forehead.
"Do you think she is going to be okay?" Jess' voice was soft and low.
Of course I'm okay. You're safe, but why am I not able to wake up?
A deep sigh came from somewhere generally around me.
Jess' hand disappeared from my forehead. "Are you sure? She looks kind of pale."
Like a wave of pure relief, I felt every last bodily sensation return to me. I had control over the rest of my body. I moved my fingers and lifted my hand to my face; my forehead was covered in cold sweat.
"Oh my goodness, she's waking up!" The grass rustled as, I assumed, Jess moved away from me very slowly so that I could get up.
I slowly opened my eyes, and even through the blur, it was too bright. I closed them against the bright light.
It grew darker behind my eyelids. You should be able to open your eyes, my Queen. My wings have blocked out much of the sun. It was the same beautiful voice from when I passed out before. Just like then, she spoke straight into my mind..
Her voice startled me and I opened my eyes wide, the blurriness disappearing almost instantly.
"What happened? Where are we?" My throat was dry and sore, making my voice kind of raspy.
Jess brought me some water in a makeshift flask; curved and roughly sewn leather – soft side out – with a gentle lip, made for easy drinking. The water was cool and refreshing, making my throat feel better instantly.
As for what happened, you saw most of it. I saved your life and the girl's as you asked. I have brought you to the edge of the Forest of Silence where it meets the Wyvern Ridge.
"But why did you save me? I don't understand."
Because you are my Queen. The dragon snorted, as if stating the obvious.
"I don't understand that either, how am I your Queen? I may be the future Queen of Valhallwyn, if any of it survives, but how am I your Queen?"
She sighed. I am one of the Dragons of old. The First Queen was my first rider. You will understand more later, but we must hope that my mate has found your King.
"What do you mean, found my King?"  My Father had been trying to marry me off to one of the Princes in Rivden since I became of age – I detest marriage.
One is always a half of the whole. You need to find your other half, as I have had mine.
I sighed, "What do I call you?" I felt safe with the Dragon beside me; it was like she radiated calmness.
My name is Sy'vara, and my mate's name is Ga'reth. He is still looking for a suitable rider. The last time we spoke, he said that he knew who the rider was to be, but only had to find him.
"If he has found him…" I felt cold in my heart, could the King – my potential husband- to my  Queen already be chosen for me before I have a chance to meet him? "I don't even get a say in this?" I felt panicked.
If Ga'reth has chosen a rider, then he is your other half because you are destined for each other. We cannot choose someone who is not your other half. You need someone who can be the King to your Queen, someone to rule beside you once this reign of terror is over. You were chosen before you were born; we have been searching for you for a very long time.
I pulled myself up into a comfortable sitting position, my legs crossed and hands behind me, and sighed. "Well, I suppose the first thing to do is get Jess home to her parents whom I am sure are grieving the loss of their only daughter." I ran my hand through my hair; it felt rough and full of dirt and leaves. "And next, I need a bath and some new clothes."
After returning the girl, we must visit the monastery before the tear breaks open. There, you can have a bath and get some new clothes; we must also get you some armour and a sword.
"A tear? What do you mean? How does it break open?" I turned to look Sy'vara in the face, my confusion temporarily side-tracked, and I studied her form.
Her snout was long and graceful; her maw was filled with dozens of small sharp teeth and four sabre-like fangs – two on the top and two on the bottom. Her green eyes were high on her regal face and had cat-like pupils that had two sets of eyelids. Horns, black as a light-less night, curled high upon her head; between these were the beginnings of silver ridges that went down her long serpentine neck all the way to her tail. The ridges on her back were much larger and had more space between them – perfect for a rider. Her body was large and elegant – all muscle, like her legs. Her talons were deadly sharp and just as black as her horns. Even at rest, anyone could tell that she was a dangerous predator – something that most wouldn't want to cross paths with.
I stood in awe at Sy'vara's beauty. I walked up to her and placed a hand on her neck; her silver scales were warm and smooth as silk. "You're so beautiful," I whispered, "and very dangerous." I shook my head in an attempt to clear it.
A warm scratchy laugh echoed through my mind, that is a high compliment for a dragon. Sy'vara said, to be able to distract someone so determined. Do not worry though, we shall make it to the monastery in time. That, I promise you, and there, you will learn about the tears, but for the moment being, that is what is causing so much disease and darkness in your Castle's village.
I nodded, that satisfied some of my curiosity. "But first, we take care of Jess." I paused for a moment, "Why is it so important for us to go to the monastery? And, how long exactly, was I unconscious?"
We must get to the monastery because you must be shown the past, and the only man capable of doing so resides there. You were unconscious for a few hours, it is almost high noon. We must hurry, time is short. That, and I have a bad feeling about Jess.
I narrowed my eyes, "Fine, lets go."

The stone walls of the cabin were crumbling; green moss and creeper vines an indication of just how long it had been left alone. The thatched roof, or what was left of it, had scorch marks – the insides were just as blackened.
Jess slid off of Sy'vara's back and ran toward the cabin. She fell to her knees and cried. "Mama, papa." her voice wavered, "Where are you?"
I could feel that there was something wrong - something evil.
Sy'vara's growls rumbled throughout the surrounding clearing, the sound eliciting gooseflesh across my arms beneath my robes. The forest around us became much more silent than it already was, which was impossible because of it's namesake – The Forest of Silence.
The air around the cabin began to shimmer slightly, almost like a mirage, with a greenish black tint – the air stunk with rot, similar to what was in the village and what I smelt around my Father.
I took a step toward Jess, whom was no longer crying, my eyes narrowed as I saw what looked like the source of the shimmering, twisting and spinning, around Jess' body. A deep purple glow resonated around her, and slowly, the cabin disappeared and the bright afternoon sunlight became the deep darkness only seen at full dark – Jess' now twisting and warping body the only source of any type of light.
Jess stood up and turned around to face me, her body changing, lengthening and becoming more muscular. "I wouldn't move any closer if I were you.", a familiar male voice came out of Jessie's still feminine face.
"Who are you?" I said, I had a nagging feeling that I knew who was speaking. "What have you done to Jess?"
The man, where Jess used to be, tipped his head back and laughed – a loud resonating cackle that made the hairs on my arms stand on end. He stepped forward, his transformation complete, his face much more familiar than I had ever hoped.
"Recognize me now, Princess?" he bowed before me in a mocking fashion, and in searching me with his eyes, he tutted. "No sword or armour? Oh, you have made this simply too easy. I may just have to let you go." His eyes scanned the forest around us, "And Dragon,  if you value your Queen's life, I suggest that you do nothing." He paused, and smiled triumphantly. "Not that you could do anything anyways."
My Queen, I cannot move. Sy'vara's voice was panicked, do not get yourself killed. We do not have time to find another Queen, you are the only one.
Something inside me clicked. I knew this man. "Ashyr?" I hesitated. It couldn't be him, not my combat trainer, a dark warlock? The man who had helped raise me as a child, the one I idolized – my beloved Uncle. "Is that you?" My gut twisted into knots and a sense of unease rolled around me like a fog.
He sneered, just like he used to during training, to goad me on – make me work harder. Except, this sneer was full of venom and hate. "Of course it is you dumb girl," he hissed at me, "and to think, you are supposed to be the saviour of this plane!" Waves of dark energy, like ocean waves crashing into the shore, began to radiate off of him in strong pulses of blackness, bending the trees with their strength, and knocked me off my feet.
Ashyr walked over and stood beside me, only crouching down to lay his cold hands on top of my head. Everything felt heavy – I couldn't move.
"I really should kill you now," he said slowly, "but it is not the time, nor the place." Ashyr gently caressed my hair, "Such a shame," he muttered, "that you can't come with me. You just aren't ready." He dragged two fingertips over my eyelids, shutting them from the world. "Somnum." he whispered.

***

"You mustn't let your emotions get the better of you!" Ashyr jabbed, left, right, right, left, over and over – constantly knocking my wooden training sword out of my hand.
"The sword must be a part of your hand! It is impossible to drop a part of your hand! Pick it up, and we shall start again."
I was growing irritated, frustrated at my own lack of skill. "Why aren't I getting any better?" I swung at Ashyr's legs, only to be blocked and, somehow, landing on my own backside.
"Because," Ashyr offered his hand to me, "you are only starting out. A child of merely ten summers past, I wouldn't expect anything better."
Anger, red and fiery hot, flashed through me – I suppressed it – I used Ashyr's own strength against him. As he pulled me up, I lunged at him, putting my sword to his neck. "Is this better, Lord Ashyr?"
Slowly, Ashyr put me on the ground, "Yes," he said, smiling. "Much better, much better indeed."

Everything froze around me. What's going on? The stables around me faded, Ashyr disappeared in to darkness, until I was completely surrounded in the dark nothing. Gooseflesh travelled up my arms, this was all too familiar.
A pale ethereal figure, dressed in a silken night gown, walked towards me. Her hair was just as beautiful and blonde as I remembered it, her face just as soft and her eyes just as blue and full of love. "Mother?" I whispered, "What are you doing here?"
My mother smiled at me, full of sadness, "Here to remind you that it is not your time to move on. I'm here to help you remember something very important." She said.
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Think back, to when I began to train you in magicks, and what I said about your heart. What did I tell you?"
"You told me to follow my heart and instinct, they will never lead me wrong. The light is inside of me, so it is impossible for me to fall into darkness." The information passed my lips as if someone else had spoken for me.
"Well done, Valiana, well done." She leaned forward so that her face was next to mine, "A dark time is coming, my darling daughter. I have but one last gift to give you."
Like a great star exploding in the darkest of nights, a shining silver sword materialized in my Mother's hands. Even without light, it sparkled and shimmered with some great power. I slowly extended my arm, and as I held my hand above the pommel of the blade, small pin-pricks of power lept into and up my arm.
"This blade, Celestia, is my namesake." My mother whispered to me, "It calls to you as it once did for me. Take it, and carry it well."
I grabbed the sword. Shock waves radiated through my sword-arm as I swung it experimentally. She felt like an extension of my arm, the best sword I'd ever held. "Thank you, Mother." I whispered in awe.
"And one more thing, you will need to watch your back. There are many out there who wish to harm you." She pulled away from me, her voice became colder. "You must get allied with the King of Rivden, as well as send some emissaries to the Forbidden Lands. It is time for you to build your allies up. A war is coming, and I fear the worst."
I realized that a sheath had materialized around my waist, I sheathed Celestia and bowed to my Mother. "Of course, that explains Ashyr and why Father was doing what he was doing." My memory sparked. I had just seen Ashyr, he had taken Sy'vara and myself out without much struggle.
"What do you mean?" My Mother's voice was sharp.
"Father had been burning children at the stake, I thought he was going mad until I saved one." I sighed, that was a big mistake. "Turns out that he knew Ashyr was behind all the darkness and disease, and that he was disguised as a child. I saved Ashyr from burning." I hung my head low.
"Fear not, Valiana. You have done good. It may not be good that you saved Ashyr, but you followed your heart. It will never lead you wrong, for Ashyr now owes you a life debt."
"A life debt?" I frowned, life debts were dark magic – not something that I mess with.
"Because Ashyr is a dark warlock, he has to abate by his own rules. Since you saved his life, he owes you." She sighed, "We are running short on time. Remember, help is all around you. If anyone comes to you, and tells you, Celeste of the Sun, Celeste of the Moon, the Daughter will be Darkness' doom, I have sent them. "  The phrase sent shivers down my spine, my mother ignored it and continued, "These are the people whom you must stay with – they are the only ones who are safe."
My Mother turned around and appeared to dissolve into nothing as she walked away from me. Her voice rang through my mind, close your eyes and go back to sleep. When you wake, all will be well.
For the first time, my eyes closed of their own accord and I fell into a peaceful sleep.

My Queen, you must wake. Sy'vara's voice was full of gentle concern. We have both slept a long time. Many soldiers and dark things have walked by us as if we weren't even here.
Slowly, I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I really need to stop passing out, but at least this time I woke up in the same spot I passed out in.
Sy'vara huffed. I was able to fly us somewhere safe last time, this time I only just woke up minutes before you.
I leaned over to stand, when I felt something resisting at my waist. Lo and behold, as I looked over, it was the sword that my Mother had given me in my dream. So it wasn't a dream after all. I carefully touched the blade. It couldn't be real.
But it is, Sy'vara answered my thoughts, I watched it appear on your waist in the last few minutes while you slept. I couldn't contact you to wake you up. I was becoming worried even though you didn't feel concerned.
"My Mother gave the sword to me," I whispered, hoping that the verbal realization would make it feel more real. I grasped the pommel and unsheathed the blade – it shone with such radiance, it was like a star in the sunlight.
It suits you well, my Queen. Sy'vara's voice sounded smug. Just like we knew it would so many years ago.
A branch snapped and leaves rustled – someone was in the clearing. I crouched slightly, with my sword at the ready, and Sy'vara shot up into the air. I'll see who is coming. Be careful.
I nodded my head in a silent consent, not that she could see it, when a friar stumbled out of the trees and into the clearing. He was shaking from head to toe and covered in scrapes and gashes.
"H-h-help m-m-me please." he gasped before he collapsed to the ground.
I ran over to his limp form, my body going from hot to cold in rapid flashes. My hands felt warm, and I was compelled by some instinct to press my hands against the man's forehead.
"Sanari."  Warm, white, light radiated from the center of my palms and spread across the man's body. Within seconds, the light disappeared and I pulled back from the man.
Impossible. All of his wounds were healed, blood gone, no scars – as if he had never been hurt.
What is impossible, my Queen? Sy'vara landed beside me. I saw this man running though the forest. He was being chased by a Golem. I killed the Golem, and the man had already disappeared – I didn't bother tracking him, he could do no harm to anyone.
I healed him. It was like he was never attacked. I never learned this from my mother, ever. I kept my conversation with Sy'vara internal, as I wouldn't want anyone to hear us.
It is your natural talent, my Queen. I cannot explain it to you properly, that is why we must leave for the monastery – that and the time for the tear to break open is near.
What about the man? I didn't want to leave him alone in the forest.
Sy'vara sighed. I will carry him in my claws, I believe that he came from the monastery we are heading to. We may already have some trouble.
She laid down so that I could climb on to her back, and waited until I was comfortably seated in-between two of her larger spines, before she sprung upward into the sky. I had  vertigo as we shot upwards faster than any horse or carriage would drive. That reminds me, Sy'vara, how did it come to be that the Kings and Queens ride dragons? Are there more than just you and Ga'reth?
Sy'vara's voice was sad. As far as we know, Ga'reth and I are the last dragons. The rest will be explained to you when we get to the monastery. There are a few important people there who want to make your acquaintance.
Finally finished chapter two of V for Valiant :)

***Ah crap, Sy'vara's text and some of Valiana's is supposed to be italicized... sorry, will upload a fixed version when dA stops being buggy. The daily deviations bar on the bottom of my screen is covering my edit screen.... this is so messed.***
© 2011 - 2024 TarnishedHearts
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bluegirl09's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

A fantastic second chapter! Full of excitement and intrigue, and we're learning more and more about this world as we go.

I really. really, really, really, REALLY can't wait until Valiana meets her King. So excited! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" title=":D (Big Grin)"/>

As far as writing goes, there were very few things I could nit pick here - excellently done. As you noted in the artist's comments, there should be quite a bit of it italicised, but that's just dA being stupid. I would suggest, as well as having the internal dialogues and thoughts italicised, putting the brief flashback into italics - it will make it stand out more, and create a more fluid jump between the present, the past, and the ghostly appearance of Valiana's mother.

Be careful in places of jumping between the past and present tenses.

The plot is really raging along. I'll be interested to see what happens once they reach the monastery and am very interested in hearing more about these 'tears'. Fascinating, too, to see that the Big Bad Daddy King isn't actually all that big and bad! I still don't trust him...

Ashyr is our main antagonist, it seems like it's going to be! I liked the idea of the 'life debt', as I couldn't see any reason that he would leave poor Valiana alive, otherwise!

One definitely plot point I would make would be towards the end - the chapter was going along at a great pace until you reached the part with the friar; then, it seemed that you were hurrying to finish. To fix this, I would be more descriptive of the fight between Sy'vara and the Golem. As you're writing in first person, I understand that you cannot write the scene from Sy'vara's p.ov. However, this could be done by Valiana seeing through Sy'vara's eyes (they exchange thoughts, so it's not too far a leap to see through each other's eyes) or even simply by Valiana sitting, alone and scared, on the forest floor and hearing the creaking of bushes, screams of rage and hurt from Sy'vara, and a final cry from the Golem as it is dispatched. Just a couple of ideas!

A few sentences that didn't sit well with me:

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> The smell of some familiar meat being cooked filled the air - this could work just as well without the 'some familiar' - 'The smell of meat being cooked filled the air'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> The grass rustled as, I assumed, Jess moved away from me - likewise, this works well without the 'I assumed' - 'The grass rustled as Jess moved away from me'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> making my voice kind of raspy - without the 'kind of'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> Horns, black as a light-less night, curled high upon her head - perhaps 'moonless night'?

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> I nodded, that satisfied some of my curiosity. - either replace the comma with a semi-colon, or change to 'Some of my curiosity satisfied, I nodded.'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> The forest around us became much more silent than it already was, which was impossible because of it's namesake – The Forest of Silence. - awkward, long-winded, and 'silence' mentioned twice. Replace with something like 'A heavy hush settled over everything. The forest was living up to its name.'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> I took a step toward Jess, whom was no longer crying, my eyes narrowed as I saw what looked like the source of the shimmering, twisting and spinning, around Jess' body. - 'who' rather than 'whom'. This sentence feels unfinished; the shimmering, twisting and spinning what? Air? Colours? Aura of evil? Delete the comma before 'around Jess' body'. and split into two sentences; 'I took a step toward Jess, who was no longer crying. My eyes narrowed as I saw what looked like the source of the shimmering, twisting and spinning flood of air around Jess' body.'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> Jessie's still feminine face - typo here! Jessie's>>Jess'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> anyways. - I HATE THIS WORD!!!! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!! *breath* the word is anyway. Anyways doesn't fit in with the time period (take THAT, stupid word. Slang: zero, Selena: One. Ohhhhhhhhh yeah <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/r/r…" width="15" height="15" alt="=P" title="=P (Razz)"/>)

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> "Of course it is you dumb girl," he hissed at me - comma between 'is' and 'you' - ' "Of course it is, you dumb girl," he hissed at me'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> I frowned, life debts were dark magic – not something that I mess with. - replace comma with semi-colon or full stop. Ah, and watch that last phrase in the sentence - you've slipped into present from the past. 'I frowned. Life debts were dark magic – not something that I messed with.'/'I frowned; life debts were dark magic – not something that I messed with.'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> The phrase sent shivers down my spine, my mother ignored it and continued, - Awkward. Valiana's mother doesn't know Valiana got shivers then, unless Valiana obviously convulsed... so I'd take that away. And split to two sentences; 'The phrase sent shivers down my spine. My mother continued,'

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> Lo and behold, as I looked over, it was the sword that my Mother had given me in my dream. - I don't like the 'lo and behold'; it feels sarcastic. Yes, we do know that it is obvious that when Valiana awoke, she would have the sword (this is the typical narrative property, after all), but she doesn't know that! Therefore, I would change it to something like 'The sword my Mother had given me hung at my waist.' (then you could even slip in a description of the sheath) 'It hung in the sheath that had appeared; a melange of gold and silver thread on white leather.' or whatever.

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> I had vertigo as we shot upwards faster than any horse or carriage would drive. - I would prefer 'The world span', than 'I had vertigo'

Great work! It took a while to come, but when it came, it was worth the wait! I can't wait 'til the next chapter...

Maybe... just a maybe... we could slip in a chapter from our future king's p.o.v? <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> I WANT HIM, DAMN IT!